I’ve been spending the last week trying to figure out where my life is going. I’m 30 years old and I am so lost that I feel 20 again. I just am not sure what I want anymore as over the last 10 years I have gotten nothing I have truly wanted. I went to school to get a job I would love, only to be pushed into over $100,000 in debt and no job. I gave up finding a man so that I could try to get a career, I have no man, I have no family, the only thing I have truly ever wanted. I guess I’m just tired of people asking me why I don’t have these things.
Reality: I feel like a failure
No wonder I have anxiety, I’m just not seeing a light at the end of this tunnel. I actually broke down and told my mom “If I can’t get this figured out, get bankruptcy on everything or something I think I’ll just shoot myself!” Her response, “I’m in the same mess too” Yeah, I have a horrible support system. The rest of my family doesn’t care, they have their happy life’s. They don’t want to help and don’t care to, it’s all on me as always. I just don’t know if I can keep this up much longer.
Not that I’m going to do anything crazy, but if it comes down to it I will threaten to, just so I can get help. I can’t afford it, but maybe if I try to someone will hear me.
I don’t enjoy anything anymore, nothing makes me happy. I’m lost
You: The upside
I want to thank the few of you who do read this blog, without you I don’t think I would be able to do as much as I have and still be sane. I write my thoughts down and I get support, not hurtful comments, not drama I don’t care about and not a “well poor me” response. That is what I receive from my friends and family. They just don’t get that sometimes I just need them to shut up and listen.
You do and I thank you.