I have been on edge all day, I don’t exactly know why but I have been. You know that feeling you get when your dreading doing something or you know something bad is going to happen, well that’s been me all day, and yesterday and the day before.
I worked out all week, that’s suppose to help the anxiety, but it’s not. I got sleep, at least 8 hours, but no more then 9. I’m set aside time for friends and relaxing but still my body feels like I need to be running away from something. I just don’t know what.
It sucks, because along with the anxiety I have diabetes and I’m sure this is messing with my blood sugar and when it’s bad it’s all bad, when it’s good, well my sugar could be good or bad. If my sugar is good it’s a great day, if it’s not, well then it’s a good day.
I keep thinking, if only I could find work I would be okay, but at the same time my last job is why I now know I have an anxiety disorder. It seems I can’t even get a job at places I use to work, even when I left on good terms. It’s frustrating knowing that if I had not gone to college I would at least have some sort of job and not as much debt.
I’ll be honest if I don’t find work soon. I’m just going to give up. Stop looking, stop paying my debt and just give the world a big F-you. I just don’t know how long I can deal with everyone telling me I’m not good enough, 30 years and so far that almost the only thing I hear.
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