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Getting to be Too Much, Pushing My Limit

dark days

I’ve been thinking a lot about the last 15 years of my life. I’ll be 31 in just over a month and I’ve realized everything I have been though has not made me stronger, it’s made me want to just give up and stop trying.

I have never been in a relationship. I have dated but nothing serious. Men use me, everyone uses me. It seems like unless they need me for something I’m not good enough. I tried to do the right thing and go to college. Thinking maybe that would give me some self respect and I would put an end to the abuse.

It didn’t work.

Now my debt keeps piling up. My unemployment runs out in 2 weeks and I can’t get a job anywhere. They all like me, but I’m just not the one for the job.

That seems to be the case everywhere in my life.

The sad part is I will publish this and if anyone comments on it, it won’t be my friends, it will be people who don’t even know me, if anyone does comment. I have no support and my friends don’t read my blog. I have no one who really cares about me and wants me to succeed. I am the one who they go to for support, they go to for help.

Sometimes I wonder what they would do if I was gone.

The men, they would move on to the next piece of ass, my friends, probably wouldn’t even come to my funeral, they would be too busy with their drama. I don’t even think my extended family would come. My sisters and mom would be there, though on the other hand I won’t even have a funeral, I have no life insurance, and we are all broke.

That is the only reason I’m still here, knowing that no one would care and my death would be for nothing. It wouldn’t make a point as no one would notice. They would just go on like nothing happened.

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