I have recently moved to a new/old city, though I was born here and have two good friends in the area I have lost touch with most of my other friends as I moved away when I was 12. I have been on a hunt for some new friends, but have found it’s just very hard to actually meet and keep friends. We seem to want different things as we get older. Friendships mean more and we are a bit harsher on the people we let into our life’s. We know who we are and so do our friends so growing together is not happening in your 30’s. We have already grown.
Why is it so hard to make and keep friends in your 30’s? I have done a bit of research online to see how others have fared with making friends in their 30’s and I have come to a few conclusions.
If you’re a single person in your 30’s looking for friends, your picker then you were in your 20’s. You want someone who is mature and is not always out parting as you have a career now. At the same time you still do want to go out so you can just maybe meet that great guy and not be single anymore. You also need someone you can confide in and really enjoy spending time with as your free time is limited. Really you want a balance that is very hard to find.
If your married and have started a family your looking for people who are also just starting out or have kids your age. Eventually your kids choose your new friends when they choose their own. Really you don’t have as much control over who your friends with, when you do you also very picky about who they are. They can’t be people who party all of the time either as you have kids to wake up to now. They need to be someone you can trust around your kids and someone who you can talk to a lot about how crazy your kids can get! You also have limited time as your balancing family, work and other life events, so having a friend you really like is important too.
Where in our 20’s we would go anywhere with almost anyone, now you want a different type of friend. You don’t want that irresponsible friend that you can’t count on for anything. You don’t want the needy friend that thinks you hate them because you didn’t call or text that day and you don’t want the party friend that is always out all night and mad because you don’t want to be.
I have found myself that it’s just very hard to meet people. Even when you join groups or look into your co-workers for friends. There is a fine line at work where you don’t want to cross it in case you get promoted. Groups are great but again most of the time you all too busy to get together outside of the group.
I have written about how we spend way to much time on our phones and not enough time getting to know people. This is a huge problem because when you have your phone you have an endless amount of information at your fingertips, you can keep in touch with your friends and you don’t have to make small talk with anyone around you. You can just browse for the next news article, Facebook post or YouTube video.
There are more and more ways to get together with like minded people, you just have to take a bit of a leap and get out there.
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