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Why it’s Hard to Make and Keep Friends in your 30’s

hard to make and keep friends

I have recently moved to a new/old city, though I was born here and have two good friends in the area I have lost touch with most of my other friends as I moved away when I was 12. I have been on a hunt for some new friends, but have found it’s just very hard to actually meet and keep friends. We seem to want different things as we get older. Friendships mean more and we are a bit harsher on the people we let into our life’s. We know who we are and so do our friends so growing together is not happening in your 30’s. We have already grown.

Why is it so hard to make and keep friends in your 30’s? I have done a bit of research online to see how others have fared with making friends in their 30’s and I have come to a few conclusions.

women on laptop

Even if we are single we are just busy

If you’re a single person in your 30’s looking for friends, your picker then you were in your 20’s. You want someone who is mature and is not always out parting as you have a career now. At the same time you still do want to go out so you can just maybe meet that great guy and not be single anymore. You also need someone you can confide in and really enjoy spending time with as your free time is limited. Really you want a balance that is very hard to find.


Family comes First

If your married and have started a family your looking for people who are also just starting out or have kids your age. Eventually your kids choose your new friends when they choose their own. Really you don’t have as much control over who your friends with, when you do you also very picky about who they are. They can’t be people who party all of the time either as you have kids to wake up to now. They need to be someone you can trust around your kids and someone who you can talk to a lot about how crazy your kids can get! You also have limited time as your balancing family, work and other life events, so having a friend you really like is important too.

We Just Want Better Friends

Where in our 20’s we would go anywhere with almost anyone, now you want a different type of friend. You don’t want that irresponsible friend that you can’t count on for anything. You don’t want the needy friend that thinks you hate them because you didn’t call or text that day and you don’t want the party friend that is always out all night and mad because you don’t want to be.

I have found myself that it’s just very hard to meet people. Even when you join groups or look into your co-workers for friends. There is a fine line at work where you don’t want to cross it in case you get promoted. Groups are great but again most of the time you all too busy to get together outside of the group.

Tecnology overload

Technology is getting in the way.

I have written about how we spend way to much time on our phones and not enough time getting to know people. This is a huge problem because when you have your phone you have an endless amount of information at your fingertips, you can keep in touch with your friends and you don’t have to make small talk with anyone around you. You can just browse for the next news article, Facebook post or YouTube video.

There is good news: you can still make friends

There are more and more ways to get together with like minded people, you just have to take a bit of a leap and get out there.

  • One great site is Meetup.com. I myself am signed up on this site and it’s really got an amazing selection of groups. From groups for people with kids, to wine lovers and book groups.
  • Go to Church, if you are a religious person find a church you like. Maybe you already go to one and it’s okay, but you really want to meet new people, go to another one!
  • Join a sport league, get your exercise and socializing all done at once! You bonded well in high school with most of your teammates so what would change now, except instead of talking about the cute girls, you may talk about kids or work.
  • Look beyond your age and find friends that are older or a bit younger then you. I have a few friends who are much older then me, but we have a lot in common and I know they are there for me when I need them.

Share: How do you connect with new people?

2 thoughts on “Why it’s Hard to Make and Keep Friends in your 30’s

  1. You’re right about our lives changing… I travel so much for my job that it’s hard to keep in contact. When I am home I just want to veg out, relax and spend time with my husband. I cherish my friends, but standards are higher now as I am in my late 30’s. People who are worth keeping around “get it,” though – and that’s the good part of friendship.

    • I agree with you Heather. The friends that understand are the best ones to have. There the ones you can call when you need to and they don’t care that they have not heard from you in a while.

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